Merry Christmas from a solo traveler

The 24th of December. Arguably one of the most exciting days of the year. Kitchens are filled with warmth and the sweet smell of holiday baking. Family members meander throughout the house, chattering and laughing, bickering and huffing. Families who haven’t seen each other all year have come together to celebrate. Children are counting down the hours until midnight, anticipating the sacred moment they awaken to a heap of consumerist goods they no doubt saw on Tik Tok, to satiate their material desires for all of two days. Tradition passed down by generations are reenacted, instilling a comfy warmth within. Christmas Eve — a day of wonder and anticipation, joy and generosity. For many, it’s an opportunity to create memories with the people you love the most. While Christmas is not a religious holiday for me, I think I am so fond of it because it was a rare time during my childhood that my father spent quality time with me and my siblings… that is, before he left and never looked back. But I carried on many of the traditions we held and even made some new ones when my daughters were born.

Given that I sold my home for good and left everything I know to travel the world untethered, this Christmas is a little different. I’m not going to sugar coat it, my heart aches a little. I miss the cozy feeling of listening to holiday music at home while my daughters and I bake cookies for the neighbors. I miss peppermint flavors and pumpkin spice. I miss my mom’s homemade fudge that she would send us via the good ‘ol U.S. postal service every year. We call it Poor Man’s Fudge, because my mother grew up in poverty and they loved to have fudge for Christmas, but had to make it as simply and cheaply as possible. I’m pretty sure that my family are the only group of weirdos in the world that could stomach this stuff, but nothing reminds me of the holidays like that tough, grainy, sugary treat, so I love it. What I really miss, though, is just being with my friends and loved ones. Last year I attended holiday festivals with my daughters, spent time with my friends at an annual Christmas Eve party, and spent the entirety of Christmas day just sitting around and eating Chinese food with one of my best friends.

This year I am sitting at a quiet hostel on the southern coast of Albania. I am here as a paid volunteer, working with two other travelers from Asia. Since I arrived here 2 weeks ago, we have have had 3 guests. The hostel is decorated with twinkle lights and festive wreaths. The couple who owns and lives at the hostel are in Germany to spend the holidays with family, so the three of us volunteers are holding down the fort, and taking care of the hostel pets; four cats and two dogs.

Christmas lights in Durres, Albania

We had a guest this week who is from the UK. He has been traveling for the last 15 years and is a sarcastic but delightful bloke. I was fascinated to hear about all of the places he’s been. I even learned about islands and territories I had never heard of but am now dying to visit. I was intrigued by his intent to cross the Darién Gap as his last hurrah, and promptly got his social media so that when that time comes I can know whether he survived or not. He’s also a husband and father — his kids are adults and have been for a long time. I asked him if he ever misses spending the holidays with his family. He didn’t hesitate — his answer was a firm and quick, “no!” He loves being on his own and he’s been traveling for so long, it’s deeply ingrained in who he is.

I kind of envied him, because for years I have been caught between conflicting sentiments. Especially this past year. I take huge swings to and from both extremes of the pendulum; from feeling gratitude and joy about experiencing different parts of the world, and an aching sense of loss as I miss being home with my girls. The reality is; I know if I were to go back to the States, I would feel loss there too. I would get restless real quick and want to resume my travels. That’s happened to me multiple times ever since I started traveling. I’m ultimately trying to get to a point of acceptance; life is changing and it will never be the same as before. Even if I wanted more time to spend at home with my girls, it couldn’t be a reality. They are not kids anymore. They’re both adults. One is moving to Hawaii for university and the other is hoping to land an au pair position in Europe. And they should be out there embracing their independence and experiencing the world on their own. Maybe one day we can travel together, but for now they have shit to do.

My daughters enjoying the Christmas season in Phoenix

Sometimes I feel selfish for feeling sad, depressed, or lonely when I get to travel the world and see so many beautiful places. I am free from a 9–5, free from debt, and free from the chains of a socially-constructed aspiration to chase money and status. At the same time, and my friends would tell me this, it’s okay for me to feel down sometimes. When I do, it’s okay for me to voice it. So this is me voicing it — but it’s not just about venting. I know that other solo travelers go through periods of loneliness, grief, and sadness. While the majority of people we know picture us sunbathing by the ocean sipping mai tais, us solo travelers (which are different from vacationers) know our reality is that much of the time we can’t afford an oceanside mai tai! Many of us have given up comfy homes and steady incomes, and most of our possessions, to see the world. And we are certainly not staying in 5-star resorts. Travel is life for us. Whether you’re living in one place or you’re constantly on the move, whether your home is a house or a tent, everyone feels lonely sometimes. But solo traveling can come with its own challenges, especially during the holidays, a season that’s traditionally spent with loved ones. I have been trying to do little things this holiday season to ease the FOMO and make myself feel better. Below are some of the ways I’ve tried to ease the ache and make it through this holiday season, and I hope this might be helpful to other solo travelers, or anyone who may be experiencing loneliness or loss this year:

Atop the Himarë Castle ruins

-I’ve tried to incorporate small holiday traditions from back home in the days leading up to Christmas. They’re very small things, and things I can do alone. Something as simple as playing my favorite Christmas tunes on Spotify during a run or walk. Or streaming a holiday movie I used to watch with my daughters. Oftentimes it’s small things that can make me feel ten times better.

-Treating myself to festive goodies. It’s a little tricky because I’m staying in a hostel and don’t have access to an oven, so I can’t bake holiday goodies that I normally have at home. But I did discover a sweet treat that tastes just like Christmas. It’s a traditional Greek Christmas cookie called melomakarona. They’re typically made with cinnamon, orange, and walnuts, and soaked in a honey syrup. It’s also vegan, which is a huge plus for me as I prefer to stay away from dairy when possible. I’ve been seeing them in all the pasticaries in southern Albania. Makes sense since Greece is so close and there’s a large population of Greek immigrants in this part of the country. While this is my introduction to this festive cookie, I definitely want to learn how to make it for future Christmases.

-Seeing Christmas lights. Looking at lights is one of my favorite things to do during Christmas season. When I go for my morning run back home, I take different streets every day during December so I can see all the different ways people decorate their homes. I think everyone has taken a drive through an upper class neighborhood to see lights at some point in their life. I have been very surprised to discover that Christmas decorations are EVERYWHERE in Albania. While around half of Albanians are Muslim (according to the 2023 census), they go all out on their Christmas decorations. Twinkle lights are all over the cities, and storefronts and restaurants decorate with garland, bobbles, and lights. Each town square has its own Christmas tree, most often accompanied by a sled and reindeer that are covered in lights. We’ve decorated the hostel here in Christmas lights also — it gives us a little coziness.

The town Christmas tree in Saranda

-I took a day trip to attend a Christmas market, since there really isn’t one in Himarë. Saranda is a coastal town only an hour and a half bus ride south from Himarë. I gotta say, attending the market and even just walking around the city ogling the lights definitely put me in the holiday spirit (while simultaneously reminding me how much I miss home). The promenade was draped in lights and decorated cabins were serving up mulled wine and other hot drinks. In the middle of the promenade was a big stage where performers danced to and sang both traditional Albanian music and classic Christmas carols. It was impossible not to be affected by holiday cheer swirling in the atmosphere.

-Staying active. When you’re feeling lonely or down, it’s so easy to just curl up in bed and waste the day away watching reruns of Shark Tank. But getting moving can do wonders for my attitude and energy levels. Even if I have to force myself to begin, once my body starts moving I instantly feel better about myself. This Christmas morning I took advantage of the morning sun with a calisthenics workout in the garden, and then I grabbed my laptop and took a walk down at the beach. I’ve been in Himarë for a month now, and this is the busiest I’ve seen the promenade all season. To my surprise, most of the restaurants, cafes, and even supermarkets are open today, and locals are enjoying the holiday outside. Even though it’s the middle of the day, all the twinkle lights are on, the city Christmas tree is alight in all its glory, and holiday tunes are ringing through the speakers of the cafes.

-Having calls and exchanging messages with my loved ones has probably been the most uplifting thing I’ve done today. My daughter and I watched a classic Christmas movie on FaceTime this morning — and due to the 8-hour time difference and the fact that she’s a night owl, it worked out well for both of us. We talked for hours and I got to see my sweet pooch, Beta, and her adorable cat, India on video. Voice messages from good friends have kept my spirits up throughout the day. I honestly think this is the most crucial thing us solo travelers can do, especially during those periods of loneliness. Anyone in their 30’s knows how hard it can be to maintain adult friendships, especially when you’ve moved around a lot. But my friends mean the world to me and it’s so important for me to keep in touch with them.

I’ve been up and down this holiday season, but I will say that some of these things have actually really inspired me. For today at least, I feel grateful and excited for what’s to come. 2025 was a year that brought changes, loss, gains, adventure, sadness, and transition. This Christmas is the first I’ve spent without my loved ones by my side, but no matter where in the world I find myself, I know they are not gone. And neither am I. I’m here, and I’m grateful to be.

Merry Christmas, all.